Over the past few years they’ve done remakes for the big horror franchises – Halloween, Friday the 13th and now A Nightmare on Elm Street. Personally I hated the Halloween remake, but thought the Friday the 13th one was fair. But now we’ve got another shit log to throw on the fire.
I guess I’ll start with the most obvious (but surprisingly not the biggest) problem. Freddy Krueger is Robert England. With Jason or Michael Myers you can throw anybody in that suit, but not Freddy. Nothing against Jackie Earle Haley, I think he’s a great actor but it didn’t work. The voice was off, in fact it was really bad. The make up affects made him look like a burnt snake or rat.
My next gripe is very trivial but Kyle Gallner, one of the stars, I’ve seen him in other things, he’s been alright. But this entire movie he just looked like a depressed little bitch, and I hated his face for it (The Joy Division shirt didn’t help).
Next is the CGI, CGI is the worst thing to happen to the movie industry since remakes and Uwe Boll. I HATE CGI! Unless it’s done in a very small amount, it really sticks out like a sore thumb, and rarely looks good. There was a lot of CGI blood in this movie, bothered me but wasn’t the biggest injustice. The worst part was they tried the classic ‘Freddy in the bedroom wall’ scene. In the original that shit is pretty creepy, here thanks to the ‘aid’ of CGI is just looks mega lame and stupid.
The plot also had some things I didn’t like, I’m not going to get too involved here because I like to keep these short but you’re telling me that all those kids go to school together and get molested by some dude and none of them remember? Not a one? And the biggest thing, instead of Freddy Kruger being a child murderer, he was a kid toucher. I won’t argue about which is worse and all that, both are horrible, but it just makes more sense if he’s going to be killing these kids today for that to be what he had started his career doing. Plus the child molester thing was just..blah, retarded in my personal opinion.
Lastly a big part of the reason A Nightmare on Elm Street is my favorite horror film series of all time is because of Freddy Krueger. He doesn’t just hunt down and kill people like Jason, he has fun with it. Freddy is a class An asshole, a real jerk with some stupid jokes and fun. It’s unique, it’s great, and there was none of that in this movie. I believe there were about two attempts at a lame joke here but they didn’t come across well at all.
Fucking goddamnit Hollywood, stop fucking up my movies. And Michael Bay, get the fuck out of the horror movie remake business.

Get A Nightmare on Elm Street from Amazon HERE

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