So for whatever fucking reason alt porn/pinup site Suicide Girls decided to make a movie. First time director/writer/all girls from the site in the film, in fact they make up 95% of the cast. I didn’t expect much from this, in fact I didn’t expect to make it through the whole movie but I figured hell, at least it’ll probably have some decent T&A, plus it’s got Bully, and that is always a good thing. The movie is basically exactly what you expect it to be. A really really bad ‘horror’ movie that’s almost unbearable to watch and really slow filled with a lot of naked chicks. Not only does it drag most of the girls come off as really annoying and bitchy (most). Let that be a lesson, don’t have a cast made up of all women. Now I’m not saying this is the worst movie I’ve ever seen, far from it. But man, everything about this movie is bad, well almost everything. Even the murders in here are amazingly terrible. More poor attempts at drama just make the movie increasingly more annoying. My favorite part of the movie may be when the girls go out in a boat for a rescue, the motor breaks and they decide to swim to shore, but for whatever reason they first decide to take off their pants and hoodies, strip down to their skimpy shirts and thongs. This isn’t my favorite scene for reasons you may think, it’s just so fucking hilariously stupid. But I mean there’s really not a lot to say about this one, it’s exactly as bad as you think it is, just don’t waste your time, it’s not worth it. In fact the movie had ONE chance to totally redeem itself at the end, the last 10 minutes I was ready to eat my words when the tree monsters started to attack…but then it turned out to be some lame ass scooby-doo bullshit, and the movie is all the sudden even worse than it was.
Posted on August 4, 2010 by Uncle Critic