Given the name of the movie you already should know what kind of flick you’re in for. This ain’t Hitchcock, however we do have some star power in this film. The one, the only THE Renegade, Lorenzo Lamas! Damn right. Now onward to the movie. I knew this movie was going to be bad, but wow, I had no idea w hat I was in for. Most bad movies I buy I go in hoping it’s awful but its a lot of fun too. Bad effects teamed with a slow-paced story make this movie close to unwatchable. I mean you’ve got a shark that not only attacks a battle ship but also eats a plane out of the sky, and an octopus that slaps a plane out of the sky, and even this isn’t enough to make it better. In fact those scenes are not even good, so there’s not even a glimmer of hope here, just disappointment covered with more disappointment. Whoever was behind the idea of the quick discolored cuts every three seconds in some scenes, I have a personal beef with you. If you really thought that idea was cool you should be beaten with a crowbar. About forty minutes in we have a kiss between the blondie and the asian dude, so you might think, maybe there’s a chance for some upcoming nudity to save this lead row-boat. Nope! The single worst sex scene I have EVER seen in history. Here it is, they go in the storage closet, slam against the wall with a quick kiss and disappear below off-screen. Then a cut to the two of them sitting on the ground. Not even a hint of nudity anywhere, not even a good non-nude scene either, god awful. At the half way point I was really looking forward to this movie being over. Luckily mercy was had and it was over. This movie literally has NO redeemable value. Even the fight footage is just a couple shitty CGI scenes used over and over. Here don’t say I never did anything for you, I’ll save you Eighty-Nine minutes of your life, they both die. The end to the battle is even a shit fest cop-out, no winner my ballsack.
REVIEW: Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus
October 12, 2010