I’m a big fan of the Jonah Hex comics so I was really excited to hear they were making a movie. Then when I heard Josh Brolin had the lead role, things just sounded like they were getting better and better. And then I saw the trailer. I feared the worst. Well my fears weren’t quite recognized, I mean the movie was bad, but not as bad as I had expected. The intro is a sort of comic style but with bad art, not fitting of Jonah Hex. I’m not going to complain about the origin story because with someone like Hex, it’s not so bad. However for some reason they saw fit to give him some supernatural powers, this makes no sense and is pretty fucking stupid. The worst part of the movie was it was boring, like really boring. How you fuck up something as simple as a Jonah Hex movie is beyond me but they made it a snooze fest, not the badass western like it should have been. Josh Brolin did an alright job as Jonah Hex, but not what I expected. Megan Fox is the flavor of the month hottie so she was in the movie being her normal waste of space. Will Arnett even popped up for a few scenes. Will, if you want to go back and have a serious role again, this is not the movie to do it, I was still laughing. Finally John Malkovich, the ONLY good thing about this movie. He played a great classic western villain as Quentin Turnbull. Now there were a couple more things I feel I have to point out. First off I didn’t expect to see a fight scene without any fighting. Remember the old Batman TV show where instead of a punch you’d see POW!? Well When Jonah Hex and Turnbull fight it’s like that but instead of POW! You get a quick flashback, or a shot of fire. I really can’t recommend anyone see this movie, even die hard Jonah Hex fans (the only reason I sat through it). And finally I’ll close it out with a conversation I imagine had to take place somewhere:

“Ok people, we need someone to direct the Jonah Hex movie. Now it’s a comic book movie so it’s got to be fun and action packed, but it’s also a western so we’re going to need someone that’s capable of also making a real badass western movie too”

“Oh I know, how about the guy that’s only directed ‘Horton Hears a Who!’?”

“PERFECT!”

Get Jonah Hex from Amazon HERE