turtlesTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Ok I’m 12 years old, Ninja Turtles are about the coolest thing going and now they’re getting their own movie? Fuck Yes! This movie was pretty rad. The only beef I really had with it was the focus on Raphael whom I always disliked, the only one I didn’t like in fact. But we had all the turtles, Splinter, Shredder and Casey Jones. It was a pretty quality film that didn’t let my 12 year old self down. For anyone who hasn’t seen it, you should check it out if your a turtles fan.

turtles2Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze: Ninja Turtles one was awesome, so now they’re making an awesome sequel right? Damn right they are! Turtles II was just as awesome if not more so than the first one. Here we’ve got more than just the Foot Clan and Shredder causing trouble, we’ve got the Ooze making monsters that our four heroes have to fight off. This stuff turns Shredder into Super Shredder (played by Kevin Nash) towards the end too, however this I didn’t like too much because they killed him off, always a dumb idea. Ah yes, this movie also had Vanilla Ice doing the always awesome ‘Ninja Rap’ – what else could you ask for? (Anyone that says they didn’t like ‘Ninja Rap’ as at least as a kid is a dirty liar)

turtles3Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3: Ok Ninja Turtles 1 was awesome, Ninja Turtles 2 was awesome, so Ninja Turtles 3 has to be awesome too right? Oh god I wish. This movie was shit-tastic! Even as a kid I saw how god awful this sorry excuse for a movie was. Turtles travel back in time? Come on, what the fuck, where did that come from? This isn’t Bill and Ted or Back To the Future! How bout we stay in the sewers fighting ninjas and shit? Is that really too much to ask? Really? Then how bout we not try to go 3 for 3 and fuck up a great series? I guess there are some people that like this movie too, those people are called stupid. That’s all there is too it. Avoid this abomination if you can, it killed part of my childhood.

tmntTMNT: The rumor going for years and years. A new Turtles movie, made with CGI turtles, directed by John Woo. Can this really happen? Will it even stop getting pushed back? Well, we got half of our wish. John Woo backed out, I guess he can smell a steaming pile sometimes. But we did get our new Turtles movie complete with the CGI turtles because everything has to be CGI now a days. The only problem with this movie? It sucked. Granted it was better than part 3, but that’s not saying a while lot. There were parts of it that I liked but in the end it was just too stupid. The plot made no sense, (I know how stupid that sounds) the villain came out of no where, which was stupid because they’re are plenty of turtle villains they could have grabbed for this one, but they didn’t. I was hoping this would be the return to Turtles greatness, too bad it was another let down. Leonardo is out doing his own thing in the jungle or something, so right off the bat you smell a rat that this could suck. At least we’ve got Casey Jones right? Yeah I guess so, but we’ve also got April O’Neil trying to fight, wtf is that? She’s a reporter. And for the villain, ooooo scary, its some museum guy or some shit. Oh god, I collect stuff. Fuck this movie.

Get Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Four Film Favorites (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles / Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II / Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III / TMNT) from Amazon HERE