REVIEW: The Last Stand

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poster_last_stand_small_214_317_c1The Last Stand is Arnold Schwarzenegger real return to movies after having a try at politics. We’ve also got Forest Whitaker and Luis Guzmán, both serviced their purpose but let’s get real, the movie was about Arnold (though I did enjoy Luis coming from the smoke with a Tommy gun a lot). A good chunk of the movie is people shooting at each other, there’s some other fighting and some shit blowing up, and packed on top of all of that it’s kind of cheesy, basically it’s your standard Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you’ve seen the trailers then you know what to expect because this is a case of the trailer showing exactly what you’re going to get out of the movie, that doesn’t happen a lot but it happens here. Arnold is a retired sheriff in a town where nothing at all happens, Forest Whitaker is an FBI man that just let a big time dangerous fugitive escape. The man running from the law has a modified corvette and he’s making a drive for the border, to get there he’s gotta pass through Arnold’s town. It’s pretty simple, if you like Schwarzenegger movies you’ll at least enjoy this. It’s not amazing, it’s not even his best, but it’s a good comeback movie.

Get The Last Stand from Amazon HERE

REVIEW: The Expendables 2

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The Expendables got a new director, some new players and a new attitude for the sequel. This movie is everything the first one should have been; hell the first five minutes alone is everything the first movie should have been. It appears the PG-13 rating was all a trick because this film is very much an R rated movie. The first five minutes three heads explode, and it just gets better from there, I’ll even go as far as to say the first five minutes of this are better than the whole first movie. The cast largely remains the same. You’ve got Sly Stallone, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, and Randy Couture as your main focus. Jet Li is back, however just in the opening sequence, this is one of my few complaints about the movie. But Jet Li isn’t missed much because we’ve got Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger actually in action, Chuck Norris is also added and there’s Nan Yu thrown on the team as well. There’s a pretty big deal made about Chuck Norris being added into this one, and all his parts were great but I do have one gripe, Norris has no fighting scenes. You’ve got a guy that’s a highly decorated real life fighter, a man that made all his money spin kicking people in the face and you’ve got him walking around shooting people and doing nothing else. I can look past that though because we’ve got another man that is no stranger to a spin kick in as a great villain, Jean-Claude Van Damme. While there was a giant missed opportunity for a Norris/Van Damme fight, there was still a pretty fun Van Damme/Stallone fight. Nan Yu was a pretty decent addition, though most of the time I was thinking “this seems like it should be Cynthia Rothrock here”, but I don’t even know if she’s still in the movie game to be honest, plus Nan Yu is much younger. Another change seemingly for the better is we’ve got a new director. Sylvester Stallone gave up the directing gig and Con Air director Simon West stepped in, and did a wonderful job. This movie is everything I wanted in a big picture, lots of names action movie. Lots of violence, lots of one liners, some jokes, I was hoping this movie wasn’t going to suck or be held back like the first one seemed to be but what I got was a dream of an action movie. My only other complaint is there is more than a little very obvious use of CGI, but if you give me Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger sitting side by side in a tiny car shooting people I guess I can look past that. 80’s action fans, you must go see The Expendables 2, even if you were unimpressed with the first one, I can’t stress enough, go see this movie.

Get The Expendables 2 from Amazon HERE

I hate Christmas, but there are 20 things I like about it

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I hate Christmas, I really do. I’m a scrooge, A Grinch, whatever, fuck it, Bah! Humbug! However there are a fair amount of Christmas movies I do like, most of them not the traditional kind but in the spirit of the holiday season (my boredom) here is, I’m pretty sure, every good Christmas movie ever made.

A Charlie Brown Christmas – It’s Charlie Brown, I dare you to hate it.

A Christmas Story – Probably the greatest Christmas movie ever made. When this is shown on TNT for 24 hours every year, I watch it back to back as many times as possible. I’ve probably seen this movie close to 200 times.

Babes in Toyland – The classic Laurel and Hardy version. Can’t hate on it.

Black Christmas – They remade this great horror movie, I haven’t seen the remake but I hear it’s bad from all accounts, the original is pretty great.

Christmas Carol – Probably the one real soft spot I have for Christmas, I like this story in every version. It’s just good.

Die Hard – Fuck you, it counts.

Don’t Open Till Christmas – 80’s horror, you know what to expect.

Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas – The live action version of the movie was pretty good but the timeless cartoon is basically perfect.

Ernest Saves Christmas – Do I really need to say why an Ernest movie is great? Granted this is ranked in the lower half of the Ernest movies but still has some good stuff in it.

Home Alone – Brilliant, what kid didn’t love Home Alone?

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York – The not as good but still better than any of the sequels, sequel to the original. Still has all the people from the first one, still fun.

Jingle All the Way – Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Phil Hartman – it’s stupid, it’s fun, enjoy it.

Mixed Nuts – A Steve Martin movie I’m sure most people don’t like much. It’s a holiday movie so it’s got that working against it big time but Martin makes it at least decent.

Muppet Christmas Carol – Much like Charlie Brown, you can’t hate a Muppet movie.

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – Maybe the second best (close second) Christmas movie ever made.

The Ref – When Denis Leary first started to try to be an actor, much like Mixed Nuts it’s not great but it’s pretty alright.

Scrooged – Ranking very high in the Christmas movie scale Bill Murray is in this fucking brilliant dark comedy with an updated spin on the Christmas Carol story. When this movie came out I watched it like 20 times.

Silent Night, Bloody Night – 70’s horror, you get it.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (series) – This whole series of 80’s slasher movies is great to good, all of them are fun. You get some stuff repeated but who the hell cares?

Trapped in Paradise – I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone else who likes this movie….or for that matter anyone else that’s even SEEN this movie. Nicolas Cage, Jon Lovitz, Dana Carvey rob a bank in this pretty decent comedy. Underrated as hell, it’s not great but it ranks pretty good.

REVIEW: I Ain’t Got Time to Bleed: Reworking the Body Politic from the Bottom up

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jesseventuraDespite what people might think this book might be, or even think about Jesse Ventura personally, this is a great book. Jesse the Body Ventura makes good use of these pages half biography half political book half wrestling book (yes I know that’s three halfs), and all great. Political wise, it’s a pretty interesting read, Jesse has a lot of ideas, whether you think they’re good or bad ones he outlines them here, and in a way you can hang with and don’t just lose interest because he’s talking politics. Besides that Jesse talks about everything from his personal life to getting into and out of the wrestling business and making movies. Where else but in this book are you going to hear about Navy Seal training, hanging out with Arnold Schwarzenegger, being in a motor cycle gang, wanting to be “Superstar” Billy Graham, getting a hooker to pay for sex with you, becoming governor and having Hulk Hogan rat you out in your plans to unionize the wrestling business? No where. This book really has it all. Weather you like or hate Jesse Ventura this book is bound to have something for you. I highly recommend reading this one, it’s a good time all around. The former Governor, ex-wrestler, actor filled 304 pages, this is the only one of his books that I’ve read but I’m more than ready and willing to check out some of the many others he’s written.

Get I Ain’t Got Time to Bleed: Reworking the Body Politic from the Bottom up from Amazon HERE


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