Jason Statham the man that has made his living off being a CGI action star and fake martial artist is back! This is Crank! 2! If you’ve seen the trailer for this movie then you probably realize this is not a movie to be taken seriously, that goes out the window as soon as you see Jason Statham hook jumper cables up to his nipple and tongue. That’s the trailer; in the movie you realize this is not to be taken seriously in the first few seconds when they use a video game as the opening sequence. I haven’t seen Crank, no need to, never wanted to. And Jason has this weird thing, all of his movies, the sequel is the best. Take the Transporter series for example. The first one sucked, the second one was great, and the third, blah. The man should just skip a movie and do sequels; you don’t even need a part one, just jump right to part two. As for the movie itself its way more ridiculous than I had expected. Jason Statham falls from a helicopter, his body is stolen and his heart removed to give to some old Chinese guy meanwhile his is replaced with a mechanical one. Sounds like our hero is on top of the world right? The bad news here is that the charge only lasts an hour on the battery, this is the greatest flaw in history because we now get the highlights of the movie as Jason Statham essentially electrodes himself every few minutes throughout the entire movie. He goes on trying to stay charged up long enough to recover his real heart and get it thrown back into his chest. You should not see this movie on an empty stomach, if you have a health condition, pregnant or fear your brain exploding. I imagine this movie is what Hunter S. Thompson’s dreams where like, or nightmares. I’m not sure if I’m recommend seeing this one or not, I’m still kind of reeling from the overload of everything so if you’re a brave soul you can weather it, but if you’re weak and flabby stay very far away this movie may be the end of you.
Posted on April 28, 2009 by Uncle Critic